its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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