Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
