rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
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Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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