Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
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We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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