wanna go halves on a baby?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
