I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i think my cat just said my name.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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