Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize