On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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