i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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