I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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