Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
