I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
