OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
