my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
