I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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