I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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