his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize