I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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