Porn is love you can see.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
