just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
