The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
