He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
