Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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