my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
