If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
