when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
