So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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