I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
