You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
