Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
