My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
