So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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