We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
