She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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