it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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