I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
