Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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