I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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