I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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