Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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