Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
