He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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