Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
