yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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