I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
