I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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