So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
