you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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