the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
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I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
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A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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