I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
