Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
