I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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