We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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