I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
