we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You took a bar mat shot.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
