Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
