Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
