It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
