Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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