2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
