oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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