Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
