He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
