I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
