She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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