im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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