I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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