If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize