I wanna bring you to show and tell
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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