dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
