we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
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you should give me head with plastic fangs in
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
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whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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