a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
